Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
