he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
