How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Randomize
