We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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