Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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