I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
