jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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