I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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