yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
