She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
