why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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