We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
