my mouth tastes like poor choices
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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