I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
