just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
do herpes really smell.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
