the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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