My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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