also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
