So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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