We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
