Me. At least after what I've been through.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
