I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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