my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
