there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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