listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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