so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
