Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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