He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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