I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
