I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Soap is not a condiment
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
