fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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