i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
