I hate your face
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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