Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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