I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
