i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
