She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
