life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
