bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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