I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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