if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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