I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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