The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
