did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
