can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
