Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
