We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
