I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
