Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
