i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Never joke about your clitoris.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
