who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
