It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
