You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
