ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
