i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I could make wine with my vomit
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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