I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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