my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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